My Prayer on a Snowy Morning

My life's soil has grown hard,
From long draught grown dry.
thirsting,
fainting
for relief from endless grey;
For something that satisfies
barrenness,
joylessness.
I long for something more.

Lord Jesus, it is You I am needing,
Allow your healing snow
to fall on me,
cover me --
All that is in me is pleading
For mercy clouds from heaven
to give life,
new life.
O Blessed Lord, descend!

Upon my dirty sinfulness,
May You fall afresh
blanketing me,
refreshing
with Your righteous purity.
Your blessed shower -- Yourself given--
regenerates
cleanses
'till I am white as snow.

"Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow?"
Job 38:22a

The Great Thief Tomorrow

Sometimes the simplest moments, the aside remarks, are the ones that stay with us the longest. I can remember as clear as yesterday a spring evening a few years back in balmy Tampa, Florida. We were just rambling out of the restauraunt doors with that happy contented absentmindness that comes from eating more than one ought and having nothing particular to do.

It was then that a well-meaning relative put her arm around my waist, looked up at me and said, "You're a sweet girl, but you better stop growing or no man will want to marry you."

Never mind that the speaker was the shortest grown adult I knew and was a native of a country where no one stands much over five feet; never mind that I knew several girls my age who were taller than me (my sister including); never mind marriage was one of the last things on my mind -- those inconsequential words seared themselves on my young impressionable brain and there planted a disturbing new thought. Was it possible no one would want to marry me? How could I keep from growing taller? Why or why couldn't I been born petite and been spared such troubles?

That was one of the first times I remember worrying about the future. And for a little girl whose future had always been a distant rosy horizon, the scare threatened to crash all my air castles to pieces. With the passing of time, the opportunities to worry have only intensified. With graduation fast approaching, uncertainty of what lies ahead keeps me up at night and occupied during the day. The future could hold anything: illness, loneliness, financial despair -- anything could be waiting to happen. The not-knowing is almost worse than anything bad the future does hold.

Worry is so natural to my humanness it seems impossible to take Jesus' words to heart. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" Matthew 6:34.

Tomorrow can be a thief. Worrying for tomorrow robs my effectiveness for today. The fallen economy threatens to shake all my earthly security, a busy calendar looks daunting, health of family and friends appears fragile, school decisions remain unclear, and worry subtly usurps my thoughts and moments. It isn't hard to live so wrapped up in anxiety about tomorrow that I am unable to deal with today's challenges, but it doesn't have to be that way. It isn't supposed to be like that. The troubles of the future are reserved for future strength. "Your bars shall be iron and bronze, and as your days, so shall your strength be" Deuteronomy 33:25.

Each day God gives me the portion of strength that we need -- for that day. Just as manna was given one day at a time for the children of Israel, so is grace renewed daily in exacted measure. There is no need to "store up" today's mercies for tomorrow because tomorrow will be provided for with a new reservoir of strength. The manna was to be enjoyed the day it was given and so are God's blessings to be used to the fullest when they are given. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Worry is really lack of trust. Instead of saving strength for future emergencies, I am commanded to expend today's energy on today -- to throw ourselves headfirst into the mercies of God with confidence that He will carry us through. "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it" (1 Corinthians 10:13). Where God has placed me right now is where I want to be putting my all. Instead of fretting about next year, I can strive to achieve today in my schoolwork. Rather than waiting for the bomb to drop on my family's income or health, I can look for opportunities to relieve the daily burdens my parents and sisters carry. Instead of allowing the fear of life-long singleness or loneliness cloud my brow, I can work to bring joy to lonely people God has brought into my life by writing a letter of encouragement to a friend, engaging an elderly person or small child in conversation, or smiling brightly to the young tired mother in the grocery store. Living today to its fullest is simple really, but it can't be done when my strength is depleted by fear. Worry brings no glory to the Lord but a life soldout to His service, no matter what the circumstances, is as a fragrant offering to Him and to the people in my life. By God's grace and only by His grace I can have peace from worry. "He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it" (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

Whether tomorrow will bring joy or dissapointment, ease or pain, I do not know. But I do know that my Lord is faithful and in the renewing of his mercies I live today, moment by moment depending on His strength to enable me to do the next thing.

Day by day, and with each passing moment,

Strength I find to meet my trials here;

Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,

I've no cause for worry or for fear.

He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,

Gives unto each day what He deems best,

Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,

Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Meaningful Devotion

Today I would like to share with you some of my favorite devotional reads. These books have given me insight and encouragement for my journey heavenward and I share them with you in the hope that you might also be strengthened. Many of these have shorter selection that serve well as daily reads perhaps during your devotional time or before bed. Even in small segments, wisdom can be as refreshing as a sip of water in a desert.

While I have found devotions to be a beneficial supplement to my quiet time, let me add a note of warning. No book, no matter how godly or Biblical, should take precedence over the Word of God. If you find that you are spending more time in man's words than God's Words in your devotional time, you might want to find other times of the day to read these books. I think you will find, however, that the nature of these books will drive you to plunge yourself into Scripture with a greater joy and enthusiasm.

Valley of Vision

Perhaps the most worship-inspiring books I have ever read. This is a collection of Puritan prayers written by some well-known authors (Spurgeon, Bunyan, Baxter) and lesser known Christians. Each prayer, whether intercession or thanksgiving, victorious or needy, demonstrates earnest, passionate and humble faith that will challenge you to see the vision in the valley. This book is psublished by Banner of Truth, a rich source of Puritan classics.

The Best of Andrew Murray

Andrew Murray is one of my favorite theologians/writers. This is a compilation of 120 devotional readings. If you are desiring a more intimate relationship with Christ, you will be encouraged and strengthened by any of these books by Murray (available on Amazon and most Christian

booksellers): Humility, Abide in Christ, Absolute Surrender, With Christ in the School of Prayer.

Revive Our Hearts Trilogy: Holiness, Surrender, Brokenness
by Nancy Leigh Demoss
Every so often when I am driving in the car or working around the house, I catch Nancy Leigh Demoss on the radio. Everytime, I am encouraged and blessed by gentle exhortation to Christlike living. This past summer I read her book Holiness. It greatly helped me to understand the depths and meaning of holiness and what holiness practically looks like. I was led to examine a few areas in my life in which I was unable to pursue holiness because I was not willing to give up unholy habits and thoughts. My mom has long been blessed by both the book and accompanying video, Brokennes. Nancy Leigh Demoss has written several wonderful books and Bible studies and also produces a daily broadcast, Revive our Hearts.

Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

This book is a commentary, not a devotional, and it is long, but it has also been an invaluable assest to my quiet time. Matthew Henry lived in the 1700s but his wisdom regarding Scripture has withstood the test of time. Oftentimes, I turn here for insight into a certain verse or passage and always come away feeling like my appreciation for God's Word has been magnified. This commentary, also available in volumes, is available from most Christian booksellers and Amazon.

A Woman After God's Own Heart Bible Studies
by Elizabeth George

The first Bible study workbook I ever completed was Elizabeth George's study on Mary, the Mother of Jesus called Nurturing a Heart of Humility. I love the simple layout of these devotional studies: a Bible reading, short commentary, and then questions of personal application. Elizabeth George does an excellent job of bringing Biblical truths to life and getting to the heart of the matter. She has written several books and I highly recommend checking some of them out: A Woman After God's Own Heart, A Young Woman After God's Own Heart, A Young Woman's Walk With God, A Young Woman's Call to Prayer, Loving God with all Your Mind

The Discipline of Grace
by Jerry Bridges
This was one of the most meaningful reads of my year. If you have ever wondered how your role harmonizes with God's role in the pursuit of holiness, this book gives a clear graspable picture of the grace of God that enables our faith and sanctification. In my opinion, the best chapter is the third, entitled "Preach the Gospel to Yourself". The importance of saturating our daily live with the message and grace of the gospel is perhaps the best thing a Christian can know. This book is available through Amazon and also the Westminster Theological Seminary and excellent resource for worthy Christian books at inexpensive prices.

Mountain Breezes
by Amy Carmichael
I love to snuggle under the covers, crack open this book, read a few poems as the day is coming to a close. Amy Carmichael's passion for the Lord and her willingness to be used by Him is so evident in page after page of her verses and prayers. Reading this book is like getting a personal glimpse into the heart of a woman through whom God was able to work mightily. Amy's faithful dependence on her Lord flows through her songs of worship and like "mountain breezes" are refresh and encourage the soul. I'd like to leave you with one:

Flame of God

by Amy Carmichael

From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified)
From all that dims Thy Calvary
O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire;
Let me not sink to be a clod;
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God

Swollen Confessions

I was not prepared for the sight the met me in the mirror Thursday morning. It was much, much too early for the shock. Blinking a couple times to make sure I was not in some sort of surreal nightmare, I stared with horror at my reflection. Was that person even me?

Lest you think me very vain, let me explain. On Wednesday, I had my wisdom teeth pulled and somehow over the course of that night I was transformed (or perhaps "deformed?") into an oversize, immoderate chipmunk with cheeks blown out of proportion and lips squeezed into a ridiculous pucker.

It wasn't such a great way to start the day. Not only were my cheeks swollen like no tomorrow, but my entire face felt sore and uncomfortable. Overall, I just wanted to crawl back into bed and wake up on a brighter day. But like the greedy little rodent I resembled, I was determined to prove myself self-sufficient -- to dig my own holes and bury my nuts without any interference from facial contortions.

Or well-meaning family members. Unfortunately, I have never proved to be a very good patient. I dislike the helpless feeling of lying on the couch and being fetched ice packs and smoothies and pillows. No matter how kindly meant, every offer of help grated my nerves. I'm not helpless. Don't they know I am perfectly capable of carrying the blender downstairs or getting my own book?

And I wish I could say these thoughts sprang from godly desires to spare others inconvenience or trouble. But alas, they were entirely self-absorbed. It is my pride that assumes offers of help are ill-intentioned. It is my pride that causes me to fear dependency as admission of vulnerability. It is my pride that drives me to "fend for myself" without needing anyone.

Pride, pride, pride. It's an ugly little word isn't it? But it is one of those sins that we tend to cling to fiercely. Humility is recognizing my weaknesses and vulnerabilities, something that does not sit very well with out deep-rooted sense of American independence. But I worry that this national doctrine of self-sufficiency has done us, and particularly us young people, some harm. We idolize signs of independence -- the driver's license, college, the first job, the apartment away from home -- as liberating zeniths when we can finally find and embrace our true identity. If we can be free of needing anyone, we can follow our "inner star" without being chained to earth.

But a Biblical sense of identity is not based on my independence but an honest recognition of my dependency.

On a small scale, this means humbling myself to embrace relationships."And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18). God created us for relationships. No person was made to fend for himself, but to interact with others. We are designed as human beings who need other human beings to be successful, to meet each other in our weaknesses, to build each other up, and to support each other in our journeys heavenward. This is the purpose of the body of Christ: "The eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you," nor again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you" " (1 Corinthians 12:21). When I reject help from others, I am not only rejecting their friendship, but I am hindering both of us from fulfilling God's purpose. Humility is accepting God's design by acknowledging that I need help, being willing to be teachable, and then seeking to meet the needs of others.

Relationships may be - they will be - flawed, but to do without them is detrimental. In claiming autonomy, I am hurting those that have reached out in love and graciousness and I am limiting my own abilities. It is precisely because we are flawed human beings that we need relationships to strengthen and support each other. I need prayer, encouragement, and wisdom. It is folly to think I can handle every problem on my own. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together" (1 Corinthians 12:24-26).

On a larger scale, letting go of self-sufficiency means recognizing my dependency on God. No person was created independent of a need for God. To live that way is to head into certain defeat. It is to spurn the grace that gives me my very breath. I can get so inflated by pride that I believe all credit belongs to me. Therefore I must work hard to ensure that I receive that credit. I am blinded by self-seeking glorification that all glory belongs to God because it is He that works in me, "both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13).

Don't those chipmunks know that without the trees, there would be not nuts and without the Creator, there would be no trees? One way I can show gratefulness for God's provision for me is to embrace His instruments of grace and willingly be joined in His body. "For the body does not consist of one member but of many...."

I have learned this week that moments of weakness can be windows of grace.

Oh I'll never look at a chipmunk the same way again.

The haughty looks of man shall be brought low, and the lofty pride of men shall be humbled, and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day. (Isaiah 2:11)

A Steadfast Heart

Keep my heart steadfast, dearest Lord
For earth's allurements shine,
And bid me turn mine eye away
From looking into Thine.

Oh keep me steadfast! Earthly tones
Fall sweetly on my ear,
And while I pause to list to them
Thy voice I cannot hear.

Oh keep me steadfast! Human smiles
Delude my childish heart;
While rapt in them how easily
From Thee I can depart.

Yes, keep me, keep me, for myself
I cannot, cannot keep;
Keep me by day, keep me by night
O Thou who dost not sleep.

~ Elizabeth Prentiss,
Golden Hours: Heart-hymns of the Christian Life

Foolishness for the New Year

It was a peaceful Sunday morning as we drove the familiar road to church. The sun had just risen and was shining a winter glow on the frozen farmland. I hummed a happy kind of song, the kind you hum when for once you know that you won’t have to run down the parking lot, up the walkway, and through the foyer to make it in the sanctuary before the prelude ends.

It wasn’t until the van turned into the church parking lot that tragedy struck. Just at that moment, I was reaching down for my purse when I caught sight of my feet.

“Oh no! Oh no, no, no!”

At this moment, I am particularly glad to have a father who doesn’t let much phase him while driving. The rest of the family however twisted their heads around in horror, each imagining the most terrible situation possible. “What is it?” “Are you okay?” “A mouse?!” (Jenny didn’t say this out loud, but I know that she was thinking it.)

“I have two different shoes on! Look!”

I couldn’t understand why the tension in the car died down so suddenly and everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

“This is so embarrassing! How on earth did I do that?” Actually, I knew exactly how I did it – with the frenzy of leaving the house by 7:30 coupled with the ridiculous number of shoes in my room it is surprising I do not arrive at church mismatched more often. I am more surprised that I managed to walk all through the house and garage with two entirely different heels and not notice a thing.

“It’s fine, honey,” my ever optimistic mother reassured me, “No one will look at your feet anyway.”

But I didn’t hear her. I was trying to think of the fastest possible route from car to pew. Why, oh why do I bring such torture upon myself?

Praise the Lord for a resourceful sister. You see, Elizabeth just happened to have an extra “emergency” pair of shoes stored in the car for just such predictably unpredictable situations. Because of her, I was spared embarrassment and sore feet and you weren’t spared a story.

Every time a new year approaches, I worry that I am not prepared. Am I ready to deal with all that may happen or won’t happen within the next 12 months or will I be barely able limp through it? 2009 was in some respects a difficult year for me. I had to come face to face with lies that I believed and faulty wisdom that I was unconsciously accepting as my life blueprint. Many times this past year I called myself wise when in reality I was behaving as a fool.
Times I justified anger, bitterness, and hate.
Times I excused self-righteousness as piety.
Times I allowed business and schedules to supersede time spent in prayer and the Word.

Foolishness, foolishness, foolishness. Sometimes it just seems so right, which leads me to question: How can we, in 2010, cast off foolishness and seek wisdom?

If we know one thing this next year, maybe it should be this God’s wisdom is so much higher than our own. In fact, it is so much higher, it seems like foolishness! (Read 1 Corinthians 1:17-27). But therein lies its beauty, for who could truly worship a God he could figure out? “O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable [are] his judgments, and his ways past finding out!” (Romans 11:33)

We can’t hope to gain wisdom from this world. “This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice” (James 3:15,16).

Ponder these words:
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”
“Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Me.”
“Give thanks in all circumstances”
Does any of that sound like advice you’d hear from TV talk show hosts or inspirational speakers? Does it even sound like the counsel of your own heart? Human reasoning and knowledge will only take us so far and usually in the wrong direction. With it, we can’t answer the most meaningful questions of life or solve the most challenging problems.

We need a different kind of wisdom because on our own we can’t have hope for 2010. “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere” (James 3:15-17).

I never like to make New Year’s resolutions. By February, I feel so condemned. But perhaps that is because those resolutions were based on my own strength and reasoning and then were attempted to be carried out by that same strength and reasoning. This new year, I am going to resolve actively seek God’s wisdom. I have seen full well that I am deficient there, but I begin this year banking on this promise: “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (James 1:5).

I resolve to grasp hold of God’s wisdom by steeping myself in Scripture – every day, even when I don’t feel like it, especially when I don’t feel like it. To sustain myself in difficult times through prayer – tuning out my own doubts and trusting that the Father does hear and answer prayer. To willingly lay aside lies that have become part of my thinking and submit to a transforming of my mind.

All I need in preparation for this year is the knowledge that Divine wisdom is faithfully and lovingly chipping my foolishness away and I am being remade into a new creation. “Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, [are called]: But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty” (1 Corinthians 1:18-27).




Read my New Year's post from last year: Hope for the New Year

Some of you expressed interest in seeing my senior pictures. They just arrived and you can view some of them here. Read the story here.

Merry Christmas

In my devotions this week, I have been studying the first chapter of Luke. I have been particularly blessed by two hymns of praise prayed by Mary (1:46-55) and Zacharias (1:67-79). Their response to the coming of Christ has given me new insight for what my response to Christmas should be. I want to share with you my notes of what the Lord has been teaching me about His Son, the Messiah and my Savior.

1. Christ is a manifestation of God’s mercy

“And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord,
And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.”
(Luke 1:46-48)

“And his father Zacharias was filled with the Holy Ghost, and prophesied, saying,
Blessed be the Lord God of Israel; for he hath visited and redeemed his people”
(Luke 1:67-68)

Mary and Zacharias recognized their need for a Savior. They did not expect or feel deserving of God’s favor but instead saw it as divine grace mercifully bestowed on an undeserving sinner. Their humility allowed them to be used of God and to be blessed - which is to be indwelt by God and thus fully satisfied. We can only be filled when we have been emptied.

-- The word for “hath visited” in verse 68 is episkeptomal which means to look upon with mercy or to nurse the sick. To be “redeemed”is to be released on receipt of a ransom and freed from guilt and punishment of sin. Christ came into the world to save sinners - to heal us from our self-inflicted disease and to free us from death. In Christ, God’s mercy came down to earth, to man’s accessible level.

2. Christ is proof of God’s holiness

For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.
And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation. (1:50)

Because God is holy, all His works are good and can be trusted. Mary and Zacharias believed even when things looked doubtful because they had faith in the holiness of God. Psalm 71:19 says "Thy righteousness also, O God, is very high, who hast done great things: O God, who is like unto thee!"

3. Christ is the horn of salvation

He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree. (1:51-52)

And hath raised up an horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David;

As he spake by the mouth of his holy prophets, which have been since the world began: (1:69-70)

A horn signifies honor, plenty, and strength -- all brought into the world by the tiny baby in the manger. Christ is strong on behalf of His redeemed. The goodness of His gospel was trumpeted across the world at His incarnation and assured at His resurrection.

4. Christ is compassionate and delivers us from our fears

He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away.
He hath helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of [his] mercy;
As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever. (1:53-55)

That he would grant unto us, that we being delivered out of the hand of our enemies might serve him without fear,
In holiness and righteousness before him, all the days of our life. (1:74-75)

God’s strength and compassion are not contrary to each other but complement each other. He is the horn of salvation and He is the merciful Savior. He puts down the mighty and He exalts the humble. He is the mighty Lord and Creator of all the earth and yet He became mortal to save humanity because it pleased Him to do so.

The Messiah is the Bread of Life who fills the hungry with “good things,” things that are profitable – He fills them with Himself.

"Those who see their need of Christ, and are desirous of righteousness and life in him, he fills with good things, with hte best things; and they are abundantly satisfied with the blessings he gives. He will satisfy the desires of the poor in spirit who long for spiritual blessings, while the self-sufficient shall be sent empty away."

(Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Bible)

-- The word for “hath helped” in verse 54 is antilambano which means to mutually take hold of one another with the hand; to support, keep from falling, to take part in turn in order to help. In the Incarnation, God became involved in our lives. He became man and partook of our very nature so that He might save us and keep us from falling. Because Christ has delivered me, I am free to serve Him without any slavish fear. I can grasp hold of him without the weight and barrier of sin and be carried by His grace.

5. Christ is the Dayspring from on high and the Light of the World

Through the tender mercy of our God; whereby the dayspring from on high hath visited us,
To give light to them that sit in darkness and [in] the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace. (1:78-79)

To give light is to show oneself openly or before others; shining forth like the sun at the break of day. Darkness is the opposite of Christ, the Sun of Righteousness. It is ignorance, error, sin, and misery. Light and darkness cannot abide together so where Jesus is, darkness vanishes. The vision of this truth revealed to Mary and Zacharias caused them to burst into joyous praise and gratitude for their Lord. We too should come to Christmas with hearts overwhelming with praise. Because Jesus came, my life has meaning, my future has hope, and my spirit rejoices.

A Merry Christmas to you all.